Random Blog Entry of the Day

Noticed on Jerry Timms - Good Luck Jerry!

Random Blog Entry of the Day

Noticed on the Web Pen Blog :

I need some clarity. As I get older, I realize that I have become more and more interested in our government. Unfortunately, I took Social Studies over 20 years ago, but back then we were taught that the people are supposedly in charge of the government. We send public servants to represent us in our government ergo (I love that word, don’t you?) we have a republic NOT a democracy which our current administration continues to preach as if we were beginning another Crusades — you know, those religious wars in the 11th, 12th and 13th Centuries? Oh, how history loves to get stuck in a irrationality loop. Sometimes, I wish we could just Ctrl-Alt-Delete the past few decades just to clear out the unnecessary cache. Ha! Cache! Get it? Since it seems that we are governed more by cash than by the citizenry?

Nevermind.

However, I would like to go on and on about the public servant part of that last paragraph. Whatever happened to that term? No one uses it anymore even though we are still putting people in office to supposedly work for us. Quite frankly, I think our government — and ultimately, we, the people — look too much outside our country and not enough inside. Why? Who wants to look at your insides? They are all gross and bloody and should just operate on automatic, right? It may be a weird analogy, but it seems to fit. In no way am I saying that we should become isolationists, but I do think we should take our fingers out of everyone’s pie and use utensils instead. Our fingers shouldn’t be in our pie either. We should be baking fresh pie and sharing it with our citizens.

Let’s face it. Most of what is happening inside of America is ugly and we don’t want to see it. The fact is we should be facing it as we would the horror movies that Hollywood puts out to entertain. Just look at Sicko and the section about how our hospitals are dropping off people who need medical care. Look at the fact that none of the firehouses damaged in New Orleans have been repaired.

It has to start with us — the citizens of the United States Of America. Here is our government job: to keep the people we put in government who represent us in check. We have got to speak louder. It doesn’t matter your political affiliation. It doesn’t matter if the majority doesn’t agree with you. The fact is that communication with your representatives has never been easier with our new technology. Go to their website and tell them how you feel. If you are angry, tell them that. Don’t threaten, but state your anger in a logical way. Let them know. Tell them if they are doing a good job, too. Everyone likes praise and a little ‘attaCongressperson’ might make them less bitter; less jaded. Our government officials aren’t machines; they are human with emotions just like us and will sometimes react accordingly.

The thing is that we put our representatives in their position. We pay their salary. They should answer to us. We are their special interest group. If they see that many of their constituency are of the same mind and of the same opinion, they should be protecting our interest in government instead of catering to any special interest groups that may be bankrolling their latest car, house, campaign or casino/resort in their hurricane-ravaged city. If you don’t like the way our representative is handling things, get out and vote to give someone else their job. It’s that simple.

I realize these are all basics of that Social Studies class, but it seems that we increasingly have forgotten our rights and duties. We have become lazy — yes, myself included — and we all need to change this. Take a couple of minutes and find out who your Federal representatives are and then your state and city officials, too. At least, found out how to find out. Here, I’ll eliminate a step. Congress.org will give you a federal and state list by simply putting in your zip code. If nothing else, go out, register and then vote. You may be tired of the campaigning, but remember one thing, this is a bunch of people interviewing for a job and we are the hiring committee. All you need to do to get on this committee is fill out a short registration form. In fact, here is a good place to start.

Okay, class dismissed. Don’t forget your homework and remember the only major test will be on November 4th, so do a little research and come prepared to have your say.

 

Random Blog Entry of the Day

Why Aaron blogs at MasculineCurves :

So, following in the footsteps of these trailblazers, I chose to take the MasculineCurves blog in a more personal direction last October. I decided it would become a blog about a 30-something, single, bi-racial, gay male who works an office job by day, and happens to take pictures of naked men by night. He's a little shy, a little reserved, and perhaps a little quirky. Would people care to read about the details of his desperate midwestern life? Well, I guess the answer is yes. When I took this approach and began writing from personal experience the hits increased significantly. Currently the blog averages around 300 to 400 hits per day and growing. I guess this means a few people out there like me. It's kind of funny because if you ever met me in person you'd discover that I am actually an extremely shy person. I tend to not like to draw attention to myself, and I feel awkward when I'm faced with a situation in which I'm forced to talk about myself. In fact, I've been told that I am so reserved that I often come across as a bit stand-offish. Clearly that's not my intention, as I just need to feel comfortable around people before I open up. But with this blog I've gotten the opportunity to put myself out there in a manner I never would have imagined. I've been able to freely express myself, share insights, and flex my creative writing muscle.

As a blogger, you're always a little nervous about the content you post. This has become such an immediate and independent medium that you don't always get the luxury of editing or proofreading. And when you put something out there that comes from a deeply personal and brutally honest place - you await the reaction with a tinge of anxiety. "Did I offend anyone? Did I alienate my audience? Can this be misconstrued?" Those were just a few of the thoughts that ran through my mind when I posted my recent commentary on being biracial. A good deal of this blog's audience is drawn from the African-American community. And while I place diversity high on my pedestal, this is the audience that I am most closely aligned. That said, having experienced life in this community I also know that we are a people that can sometimes turn our noses at those who don't fit the mold we've defined ourselves by. We call it the "Tiger Woods" syndrome, because when he first made it big on the golf scene we tried to claim him and he said "Oh no, I am not black. I am Cablinasian (and I don't blame him because he IS multi-cultural and that has been his experience).

So, like I said, I was a bit hesitant to share my viewpoint on being a person of mixed ethnicity. But I did so anyways, because if I can't be honest about who I am on the blog, then there's little value to me in publishing it.  Needless to say, I received a few emails about that post, and, much to my surprise, all were positive. Here's one that I'd like to share because it exemplifies everything I love about blogging:  no matter how far your message reaches, or how close to home it hits, you discover you are not alone.

Dear Aaron,

I about fell out of my chair when I read the entry that you wrote about growing up biracial in New Philadelphia! I have been a reader of the blog for a few months and I never knew where you were from or what your ethnic makeup was. I, too, grew up biracial in a small Ohio town! Massillon is an interesting place at times. Granted, there is a larger black population but, at the time, there weren't a lot of little mixed kids running around. I'm sure you can imagine what I went through attending elementary and middle schools where you were one of a few people of color. Then, to be interested in music and events other than those who looked like you. Lastly, we both attended the same college! This was a pleasant shock for me and I am glad to have shared all of these things in common with you. I wish you well and hope that you will stay strong and stay blessed!

Biracial in Ohio

 Dear B.I.O.

It looks like we certainly have a lot and common, and who knows, since we come from the same neck of the woods we may even know some of the same people. I'm quite familiar with Massillon, and I'm really interested in hearing about your experiences there. It's exciting to find people out there with similar backgrounds. Let's keep in touch, and thanks so much for reaching out to me. Your message and kind words are very encouraging.

Take care,

Aaron

Random Blog Entry of the Day

Noticed on JATGAB :

I received an interesting comment on my post on Gay-Friendly Closet Cases, from a heterosexual guy who wants to work in a gay bar and his reasons why. You can read the original post, his comment, and my reasonably short reply here. I was going on at such length, however, that I decided to continue my reply — and make some other general comments on the subject — with this new post. I've danced around the subject of straight and straight-identified bartenders in gay bars often enough; now I'll hit it head on.

Okay. I heard from a man who was treated miserably by his straight bosses at a fine (non-gay) dining establishment, but was treated nicely by gay male customers (or at least men he perceived as being gay) who tipped so well that he now wants to find employment in a gay bar. He's annoyed that I — and many other gay men — wonder about the true sexuality of straight bartenders in gay bars, although my original post gave plenty of reasons for it. Now I'll continue my reply (although I also intend it to serve as an "open message" to any straight guy who wants to work in a gay bar):

"Working in a non-gay bar with a few friendly gay customers doesn’t mean you’ll enjoy working in an all or mostly gay bar, or that the customers will be as friendly to you – or vice versa — after you’ve worked there for awhile. (Some gay men are simply irritated by straight bartenders – they just can’t relate to them; I’ll explain why in a moment). And there are as many different types of gay bars as there are gay men; some would really not appeal to a genuine straight guy.

And let me address, hopefully for the final time, this whole business of tipping. I remember the owner of a gay bar that employed a couple of straight-identified bartenders saying that it had to be about more than the tips, because a good bartender can make good money in any popular bar. They don’t have to work in a gay one. Some of your gay customers were nice to you and tipped well, but surely some of your straight customers were nice and tipped well also, no? In my experience (which is, frankly, greater than yours) – I’ve had gay and straight friends for years and go to gay and straight bars – gay men don’t tip any better than anyone else.

I can tell you that my friends and I base our tips on the following: How much the drink costs, how friendly the bartender is (never how "hot"), how many drinks I plan to have and – most importantly – how much money I have in my pocket. I don’t tip gay bartenders better than straight ones, or vice versa, no matter where I am. This whole business about gays tipping better is, in my opinion, nonsense. Often how people tip has nothing to do with their sexual orientation or whether a place is gay or straight, but what kind of establishment it is. And may I reiterate that having a few (I assume obviously or stereotypically) gay customers in a non-gay bar is not the same as working in an all-gay or mostly gay environment where many gay men will be more "macho" and not so "funny and fabulous" like the Queer Eye guys — assuming that's what you enjoyed about these customers; the "camping," that is.

Some people theorize that straight men work in gay bars for narcissistic reasons – gay men can be more demonstrative in their approval and flirting than some women. But these guys, straight or closeted, have to ask themselves: what is it about them that makes them crave the attention of gay men? (For the record there is nothing worse, in or out of a gay bar, then a cocky straight guy who thinks he’s God’s gift to gay men and expects us all to either genuflect or go all goo-goo eyed when we look at him. Yuck! It’s now considered very old-fashioned behavior for gay guys to moon over a straight guy when there are all kinds of gay guys of every type imaginable in the world to hit on, including very masculine guys if that's what you're after.)

You also need to understand that many gay men – not all – are just not comfortable with straight bartenders in gay bars (this doesn’t mean they’re "intolerant" of straights). It sounds as if you have the right attitude – very different from some (see my post on The Malevolent Munchkin of Christopher Street to read about a really obnoxious straight-i.d.’d bartender as well as other thoughts) and I appreciate your attitude and gay-friendliness, as well as your understanding that most customers will assume you’re gay. Just remember that gay men generally go to gay bars to meet, cruise and hang out with other gay men – we may have straight male friends but we can see them on other occasions.

Gay bars have much more meaning to the gay community than, say, singles bars do to straights. We may in some ways seem the same as straight guys, but never forget that we are also different. We are emotionally, romantically, sexually attracted to OTHER MEN, and there isn’t a gay man alive who wants to get a crush on some straight bartender who can’t even give you an affectionate good-night kiss on the lips, even if nothing else may ever happen, and who doesn’t really relate to, or understand, what it’s like to be gay. Who needs a a straight bartender, especially a somehow attractive or appealing one, in a gay bar when there are so many appealing gay bartenders? Also, straight guys take jobs away from gay men who might feel completely uncomfortable working in a straight environment. (There may be homosexual men working in straight singles bars, but if so, they are deeply closeted. Gay men , of course, are often employed by restaurants, but many of these places are not really gay or straight.)

Another problem with straight bartenders is that their girlfriends come in to the bar, then bring other girlfriends (so that they’re not the only straight woman in the bar, for instance) who then bring their straight boyfriends. Suddenly the bar isn’t so gay anymore, the straight people who come in aren’t always so gay-friendly, and we’ve lost another gay social center. I’ve seen this happen more than once. Most gay men have straight friends, but again, we don’t go to GAY bars to meet straight people, whom we’re surrounded by every day of the week. We want a gay, even a homoerotic, experience. And I know that many gay-friendly straight men are perfectly okay with gay guys as long as those gay guys are not being sexual (I don’t mean hitting on them but hitting on, necking with, each other) or political, talking heatedly about gay rights and homophobic persecution. They just have no interest or even somehow find it offensive. They don’t want to hear about how we’re "oppressed" because some of us make more money or have more career-success than they do, and they’re unsympathetic. They also feel that we can't really be "oppressed" since there are gay-friendly straight people in the world (There are. But certainly not enough of them.)

There are gay men who couldn’t care less about straight bartenders in gay bars – their attitude is "who cares? – they’re just here to serve you drinks and if they’re in the closet that’s their problem" and sometimes I wish I could feel that way but I swear that I and other gay men just get a kind of chill – for lack of a better word – when the bartender reveals that he’s got a wife or girlfriend or only (or primarily) likes women. Maybe it doesn’t matter in a busy, packed bar where there’s no chance to interact with the bartender or get to know him personally, but in a more relaxed, conversational venue I can’t help but think "this guy will just not get me [especially if he’s much younger], I can’t talk about gay rights or hot men with him and I’ll have to put up with his straight friends who may not be so gay-friendly" and so on.

Some of the gay guys who are more or less okay with straight bartenders don’t cruise, may not have an active sex life, are part of an "old married couple," and are definitely not Out and Proud militants like me — and could even be dealing with a self-hatred that has them deifying straight men (a dying pre-Stonewall attitude but one that persists in some gay men) — or all of the above. Sometimes they just want to be nice even if a straight presence makes them uncomfortable. And some gay men are so grateful when a straight guy isn’t prejudiced (or at least appears not to be) that they practically fall all over him — in the figurative sense. Me, I never "thank" straight people for being gay-friendly, any more than an African-American should "thank" white people for not being racist. People shouldn’t be homophobic or racist in this day and age and they don't get points because they're not.

If you’re determined to work in a gay bar be honest with the manager about your orientation – the Stonewall Inn bartender I mention in my original post told the manager he was gay but tells everyone else he’s "straight;" the manager would have been well within his rights if he fired him for lying (or was he?) during the original interview. And don’t cry foul or screech "discrimination" if the manager decides not to hire you; that’s his prerogative as far as I’m concerned. Gay bars are for gay people and there are plenty of straight bars — or other gay bars — you can work in.

A straight person doesn’t have to work in or go into a gay bar to hang out with gay friends. Invite a gay couple or single man to your home, or out to dinner. Some, like me, will be perfectly willing to go to a straight bar. And there are lounges which cater to both gays and straights (a better employment bet for you, frankly) where everyone can hang out comfortably. But an all-gay bar, especially a hot cruise bar, is a different matter. At least pick out some gay piano bar or disco into which some or many straight people go – this is often workable. Avoid the hot cruise bars, leather bars, etc. (which you’re really not going to feel comfortable in, believe me, if you’re not at least bi) where the homoerotic atmosphere is extremely important. Nobody will want to see you smooching your girlfriend, assuming she’d even want to go in, when they're trying to get all hot and bothered in a homoerotic fashion. Women are not really welcome in these places by most customers not because they’re sexist, but because they distract/detract from the all-male masculine, homoerotic ambiance. If you were ever in a place like this you’d know what I mean.

Most gay men can get along and have fun with straight men in non-gay environments, as I certainly can (and occasionally even gay environments), but just don’t like straight bartenders in gay bars and that’s that. That doesn’t make us mean or "heterophobic" – we want an all-gay ambiance and frankly we’re entitled to it after all the shit we’ve put up with from most straight men. Even gay-friendly straight guys can have opinions and attitudes that don’t sit well with us. Who needs it? I don’t go to gay bars to educate straight people about gay life. And I confess I resent it if some people – gay or straight – claim that this is "reverse prejudice." Gay people are entitled to their spaces. And this business that "gay men of all people" must always be accepting of everyone – or at least accepting of what they say their sexuality is – seems a little ridiculous to me. Why should we be? Because some people supposedly accept us when most people don't? Sorry, that doesn’t get any points from me, either. Does the fact that we're discriminated against mean we always have to be tolerant of everybody else no matter what they do or say or we're at risk of being labeled hypocrites? Nuts to that!

So you can try to find work in a gay bar, but ultimately you may piss off some of the customers and not enjoy it as much as you think. A lot of it depends on your attitude and behavior as much as the gay guys’. Sadly, some gay men will put up with a lot of crap. I’m sure you would never behave like the "malevolent munchkin," although his problem was more that he was an immature asshole than that he was either straight or conflicted, although that certainly was a contributing factor. It’s hard for any straight guy to be entirely sensitive to or understanding of what’s going through the minds of gay guys (who are a very diverse bunch), especially in a world where it is still perfectly acceptable behavior among most people to tell "fag jokes."

Don’t get me wrong – it’s great that many straight people are comfortable enough with gays to want to go into or work in gay bars, and I get that you’re possibly just a perfectly nice, open-minded straight guy, who thinks "I’ve got nothing against gay guys, why can’t we all get along?" Sadly the world just doesn’t run that smoothly, and most straight men (and some gays) have no idea of the level of homophobia that still exists – rarely do they know that you can still get fired just for being gay in 31 states in the U.S., or that there’s a virulent "ex-gay" movement throughout the country that claims gays are sick and which has garnered a massive amount of financial support, and so on. Perhaps I'd be more comfortable with straight guys in gay bars if gay people and straight people were considered equals in this world, and if I hadn't met too many "gay-friendly" straight people, who deep down (like white people who think they have no racist feelings) have homophobic thoughts that come out at unexpected moments. Let me also make it clear that while I may go into straight bars on occasion, I go with straight friends and never while on a date with another man. On some occasions I will tell other people in the bar that I'm gay if a.) I feel it's warranted and the person can deal with it, b.) it will shatter a few stereotypes, and c.) if I feel I can "take" any homophobes in the vicinity. While I often see straight couples necking in gay bars, gay men can not hold hands or make out in most straight bars without inviting abuse. [And let me also say that if a straight man feels "persecuted" because customers in the gay bar where he works think he's gay, it in no way compares to the persecution faced by gay men — and if he thinks it does he should definitely quit!)

This is hopefully not the case with you, but I’ve discovered that most straight men get angry if you suggest they’re gay not because you’re saying they’re in the closet, but because you’re saying they’re gay. There may well be legitimate 100% – or maybe 85% – straight guys working in gay environments, but I’ve encountered enough gay/bi closet cases drunkenly cruising/making out with guys in other gay bars on their nights off to know that gay-friendly closet cases do exist. Some men simply can’t past the shame and stigma of being attracted to other men, even if a gay environment is stimulating to them. No, I’m not saying this is the case with you. But the more straight-i.d.’d bartenders in gay bars, the less likely it is that these poor conflicted souls will ever come out of the closet.

Remember, having someone think you’re gay or hitting on you once in a while is one thing – having it happen on a much more regular basis is something else again, and that’s generally when the buried homophobic attitudes that even gay-friendly straight bartenders can have come rising to the surface, and it’s never pleasant for the gay guy who just wants to get away from it all and be in a safe environment where he can totally relax and be himself. So maybe he hopes that the bartender is gay like him. What's wrong with that? So he asks him about it now and then in a nice way. Deal with it. If you can't ask whether or not somebody's gay in a gay bar, then where the hell can you?

And let's remember that the thing you should worry about the most if you work in a gay bar isn't that most of the gay customers will think or hope that you're gay — but that the gay-bashers who hang around outside some gay bars on occasion hoping to beat up "fags" will think you're gay! It's straight people like that you have to worry about — not gay men.

Does this sound like I’m trying to discourage you? It’s more that I’m being brutally realistic. It takes a very special straight man to be entirely comfortable and cool in a gay bar and, while you may or may not be one of them, I think they’re a very rare breed.

Random Blog Entry of the Day

Noticed on FAF :

It's fun when you return after a lengthy absence, and this is one of the first comments in response:

Wow — I hate to be a jack ass, but I have checked your blog every day for nearly a month, and this is the best you have to offer? Where is the biting satire, the sharp political commentary — hell, what happened with the wax-on-your-coat guy? I must confess, FAF, I do not blog myself so I know not the pressures and strain of writer's block but, babe, really — this post was NOT what your legion of followers was waiting for… Sorry to be such an unappreciative bitch…

Oh no, wait — it's not any fun at all.

Thankfully, others of you are more appreciative.

Still, I fear my reappearance makes a promise I cannot keep.

When I first launched this blog, it was a fun side project — great for those years I was a student who needed a creative outlet. It was a blast to entertain, to spark discussions, to get on my high horse about politics, pop culture, queer issues and dating.

Oh, and American Idol. There was always plenty of American Idol.

Now, however, it's difficult.

Difficult because I have to work — and I don't write about work. My social life consists of American Gladiators, and that has yet to reveal itself as a gold mine of material. And I have a huge new project brewing, but it's not yet at the state for a big reveal.

So I decided that unless I say something, I feel I've made a promise I can't keep.

Here goes:

I don't know when, or if, I'll write here again. There's just too much else to concentrate on, and most days I don't have any great ideas about what to post here. It's sad, but that's where I'm at.

Now about that other project: I hope to be ready to announce it soon, and I hope you'll follow me to that new destination. I can assure you I'll be doing plenty of writing there.

In the meantime — thanks for tuning in, be well, and be sure to check back here in the next few weeks to find out the F-AF's next step.

I hope you'll like what's coming.

Random Blog Entry of the Day

Noticed on AcidRefluxWeb :

We had our Saturday off, and now we were forced to work again.

The first stop on the order was to see our friend Floride who was working at this school. As we approached all the children ran over to us to shake our hands and the lucky ones got to actually hold our hands for awhile as we walked into the school yard.

It was quite something. These kids were so beautiful; pure unadulterated light shone from these faces

Quite a few were mesmerized by my tattoo, and even a few with the hair on my arms which the pulled on to see how it felt.

The afternoon was about meetings and planning.

I managed to hook up a local organization called the Rwanda Men’s Resource Centre with WE-ACTx here. Funny how it took someone from Toronto to do it.

Nonetheless we are privileged to be able to do such great work. I got 5000 dollars that will be earmarked for the women’s income generation project, more money for the association for people with HIV, and put together resources to do an initial sexual violence afternoon workshop.

The evening was quiet, and that’s the way I like it; dining at the rooftop restaurant with a view of the twinkling lights of the rolling hills.

I’m not going to write to much because I think this photos do all the talking for me.

Random Blog Entry of the Day

Noticed on Joe.My.God :

The Human Rights Campaign has released its Best Places To Work 2008 list.

A total of 195 companies that achieve this honor will use the 2008 “Best Places to Work for GLBT Equality” seal to distinguish their company as a fair-minded employer. The seal is given to companies who score a perfect 100% on the Human Rights Campaign Foundation’s Corporate Equality Index which measures policies and practices implemented to promote fairness and equality in the workplace for GLBT employees.

This is just a recap of the top scoring companies from last fall's Corporate Equality Index.

 

Random Blog Entry of the Day

Noticed on the Bilerico Project :

Before you get too wound up and think this is some Zionist rant, it is not. Keep reading…

While we were watching the "crying card" being played out in New Hampshire, while we were listening to pundits who were out to lunch on "election polling," while we were watching the election results, George Bush was up to something… something HE HAS NEVER DONE IN THE SEVEN YEARS HE WAS IN THE WHITE HOUSE!!!. George W. Bush flew to Israel. Yep, Bush has gone this long without ever visiting Israel.

How did they get so lucky?

We have suffered under Bush for seven long, agonizing years. Bush illustrates for us DAILY how much he hates us. After Katrina, he flew to New Orleans to lie to us and show us how much disdain, disrespect and hatred he has for Americans.

Bush's visit to Israel is under the guise of Middle East peace. You gotta be kidding me! Bush is THE MASTER ARCHITECT of Middle East war, not peace. Maybe this "Middle East peace" thing he keeps talking about is something he wants to get rid of. Maybe…

I am here to talk about Middle East peace. You got too much of it, we gotta get rid of it. There is not profit in it for the United States. This peace business has got to go. Ask Dick if it is time to release the fake Iranian gunboat footage…

Yep. THAT sounds more like Bush's Middle East peace plan - kill it off entirely.

Bush didn't go to Israel because he likes Israelis or like Jews, nope, he went there because he hates them. He went there to spread his message of doom, war, pain and death.

If he liked Jews, he wouldn't have gone to THEIR HOMELAND and threaten Iran - a Muslim country.

The only bright side in all of this was Bush is OUT of our country… at least for a little while.

A very little while.

 

Random Blog Entry of the Day

Noticed on Meshugener Gay :

What advice would you give? 

This blog could be called strange entanglements.

A couple months ago, my bf was out of town and I was slightly horny so I logged on to a chat line. Now most of the time chat lines are a waste of time and I rarely find someone who I click with. This night I chatted with this guy who I really clicked with and we had an intense chat. I can't remember if it was that night or a couple nights later when we chatted again - that I found out he lived near me. We flirted some more and I found out more about him. Tragic story. Was married - had two kids, wife ran away with the two kids and he can't find them. This was years ago. Closeted he takes up with a guy, has a two year relationship and they buy a house together and the guy freaks about commitment and runs away. So he is turning 30 and is alone.

So being the nice guy I am I send him a Happy Birthday email. We chat on and off and I become a friend and listen to his life. He goes through a bad period and I listen, support. This goes on for a month or so. Sometimes we flirt sometimes we just chat as friends. He sends me pictures - they look real enough and they are hot. He vanishes and reappears. The story gets more interesting - his wife gets arrested for stealing the kids and he gets them back! His wife commits suicide in jail. He is moving to LA. I try to get him to have coffee before he goes - but he evades.

He vanishes for a couple weeks….

He reappears - something about moving to LA - he is getting engaged to a high school sweatheart. Now of course by now I am totally thinking this guy is inventing stories. When he vanishes and reappears and appears down - I offer a supportive ear. He vanishes again.

He recently reappeared and told me he never moved, but was engaged. He tells me that the kids are now living with their grandparents (something about they couldn't get used to this father they barely knew). I am skeptical but am nice and supportive. He tells me he is working through issues. He vanishes again. When he reappears he declares his love for me and tells me that all the other shit was a way to distance himself from me. I tell him I care for him, but love my bf and am willing to be a friend. We chat regularly for a week.

Now he has vanished again.

Beyond the tedious quality of this post and the fact that any fool would loose this guy it really irks me the games he plays. I guess I play them too cause each time I am a sympathetic ear.

Why do I bother? Because whatever his deal is - I think he is suffering and part of me just wants to save the world.

Random Blog Entry of the Day

Noticed on Thought Theater:

I rarely read The Drudge Report but his posting that the Clinton campaign is considering when she should withdraw from the race for the Democratic nomination caught my attention.

I guess I'm wondering how the media's inevitable winner for months has suddenly been forced to consider how soon she needs to pack it in. I find it rather remarkable that 230,000 Iowans can elicit a virtual about face on the part of the media and the Clinton campaign in a matter of days. In all fairness to Drudge, I'm sure the topic has been discussed by the Clinton folks. I'm just not sure it's all that newsworthy

With that in mind, and on the heels of the Drudge "scoop", I decided it was time to offer my own tongue-in-cheek version of The Drudge Report.

Without further adieu, I present The Sludge Report.

Top Ten 2008 Campaign Scoops Missed By The Drudge Report:

Number Ten:

In a surprise encounter in New Hampshire, Hillary pulled Monica Lewinsky’s hair and called her a bitch, at which point Bill intervened in time to block the haymaker the Senator was about to launch.

 

 

Number Nine:

In an effort to rework her campaign strategy, Hillary contacted a plastic surgeon regarding a quick makeover to shed fifteen years so she could go toe to toe with the more youthful Barack Obama.

Number Eight:

Hillary dispatched an envoy to Kenya to enlist Barack Obama’s grandmother in convincing her grandson to withdraw from the race.

Number Seven:

Chelsea Clinton will disclose an affair with Mitt Romney and admit she revealed critical campaign strategies to cajole the ex-governor out of his holy undergarments.

Number Six:

It will soon be revealed that Dr. Phil’s surprise decision to forego a show dealing with Britney Spears illness was made to allow him to join Hillary on the campaign trail. Reports indicate that Dr. Phil will expose the fact that Oprah is secretly dating Condoleezza Rice.

Number Five:

Sources in Arkansas will soon disclose that Mike Huckabee is the illegitimate brother of Bill Clinton. The investigation was launched following the realization that both grew up in Hope, Arkansas and that both men are musically inclined.

Number Four:

The Clinton campaign is set to disclose that the $400.00 paid by John Edwards for a haircut was actually hush money to prevent the disclosure that his lustrous hair is actually a weave.

Number Three:

The Romney campaign will disclose that Rudy Giuliani actually withdrew from the New York Senate race because his secretive trips to the Hampton’s were actually clandestine meetings with his then girlfriend, the recently jilted Mrs. Clinton.

Number Two:

Bill Richardson will reveal that his lighthearted comment during the recent New Hampshire debate in which he stated…“I’ve been in hostage negotiations that are a lot more civil than this”…was actually a reference to his time in the Clinton administration when he called the Oval Office and pleaded with the President to put down his cigar and allow an unidentified White House staffer to come out from under the President’s desk.

Number One:

Dennis Kucinich will reveal that he and Senator Clinton were abducted by an Unidentified Flying Object (UFO) in Washington DC and probed for several hours by aliens whose leaders looked strangely similar to Alberto Gonzales and Dick Cheney.

Random Blog Entry of the Day

Noticed on "I Am Not My Hair" :

Recently, I changed my e-mail signature to reflect a perception of myself that I felt was most accurate.

Two women responded. One found it hilarious.

The other?

[g-mail e-mail chain, without the "Sincerely" etc.]

Woman: Hey, So I noticed your e-mail signature in that last e-mail you sent to ______ list. Don't you think that's sort of offensive?

Me: Not really . . .

Woman: Oh, okay. Well . . . Do you not think it's insulting to women to call yourself a "pimp"?

Me: No. Do you not think it's insulting to me to be so heteronormative?

No response.

Funny that the "enlightened" are still victims of shoddy assumptions. Maybe I should change it to "[Gay] Pimp" for clarification. Or, people could just get over themselves.

Knee-jerk feminism is the latest addition to my shit list.

Random Blog Entry of the Day

Noticed on Gay Banker : 

I was looking at a few gaydar profiles recently when I spotted a guy who'd written the following sentence about himself:

"Prefer making love to having sex, as such the terms top/bottom, active/passive/versatile do not apply"

Although I've never really liked the terms top, bottom etc, I'd never really given much thought as to why I don't like them. But suddenly, when I read that line, everything became crystal clear!

So much cruising relates to the mechanics of who does what to whom. There's no love, or interest in the person, apart from their ability to play the right role. Of course, this isn't new because before online cruising existed, the Hanky Codes were invented to help guys hook-up in the combinations that they wanted.

My experience suggests that a lot of gay men focus almost exclusively on the mechanical aspects of sex. If someone is able to play all the right roles well enough, the two guys may end up in a *relationship* which will last until they get bored, perhaps for a few months or maybe even a couple of years. I reckon guys who behave like this are having sex with each other, but never making love. In this context where there's no love, monogamy makes even less sense to me because we're just behaving like dumb animals, following our primordial sexual instincts. It's the world of pornography where one guy says to the other "Yeah bud, you like it like that don't you"!

The curiosity is that so many of the gay guys that contact me via this blog seem to be interested in love, especially the guys who are in the process of coming out, whereas many of the guys that have come out and that one meets online only seem to be interested in the mechanics. I can't help thinking that as guys come out, they often get gradually more involved in their local "gay scene", and that somehow encourages them to focus on their primordial sexual desires rather than gay love. Indeed, I've heard of several bisexual guys who've chosen a woman as their long term partner because they feel there's no love in gay male relationships.

When I'm cruising online however, I reckon that I always start by trying to find guys that it would be nice to make love to :-). But sometimes, I admit that I'll just end just focusing on the mechanics! I think the act of cruising gradually makes me feel more horny, so that if I 'm unable to find a nice guy to make love to, I'll end up just trying to find another horny guy to have sex with. But I do think that I try not to focus on the mechanics, and perhaps that explains why I have some success finding guys who want to be my boyfriend. Looking back only a couple of weeks, I can now see that my list of ten things which make me happy is incorrectly specified. It should definitely talk about 'making love' rather than 'sexual activities'!

Unfortunately the guy who wrote the sentence quoted above that inspired this posting lives on the outskirts of London, so meeting up with him would be inconvenient. But I did contact him to tell him that I'd be using his sentence in a posting, and to ask him whether he wanted me to attribute the sentence to his gaydar profile using a web link. He said he was flattered that I liked what he'd written, but didn't want a link.

Perhaps just "having sex" is something that we all have to get out of our system before we can focus properly on "making love" instead. Some guys probably get seduced by the gay scene and end up permanently focused on having sex, but I think many more tire of it and move on. My view is certainly that making love to another guy, and especially making love to a boyfriend, is infinitely superior to just having sex with him :-)!

Random Blog Entry of the Day

Noticed on Temporary Trouble Spots :

 

Oh don’t be a hater. I am sooo sorry that you, too, don’t have your very own “Ricky Martin” thermal lunch box in this season’s must-have purples and highly-flammable vinyl. Go cry up a pole. Or piss up a rope. Something like that. Jealous? Much?

I was gifted this fabulous designer accessory this holiday season. It reads “THERMOS brand” on the tags but I was distinctly told that it’s from the Spring/Summer 2008 Alexander McQueen collection right off the Paris runways. Just for the record Naomi Campbell has already tossed this thermos at her maid! That’s just how “NOW” this fashion bag is!! Who needs the HERMES Birkin bag?! This is so now. So. right. this. very. minute.

I can’t stand myself I’m so cool.

PHOTO CREDITS: Photography; Mario Testino on location in my bedroom. (we had to lock the door to keep the throngs of paparazzi away) Shirt; Nautica loungewear; Fall/Winter collection 2005; Pants: Calvin Klein loungewear; plaid flannel. And, yes, I understand that they make my ass look ginormous but they’re warm so blow me. Fragrance; Marc Jacobs; Face; CLINIQUE skin care products; several hundred dollars worth in fact; Hair: model’s own; what’s left of it. Model’s attitude; in-check and channeling the inner-diva on a reasonably good chardonnay.

Random Blog Entry of the Day

Noticed on Coming to Terms with It :

Are you taking antidepressants?? Me too! My doctor has been prescribing me "happy pills" since my junior year in college. I started off with Zoloft, then switched to Lexapro, and am now taking Citalopram. I found Zoloft to be the least helpful, and Lexapro to be the most effective; but after leaving my parents' health care plan, I switched to Citalopram b/c it's the cheapest. They're all selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). Anyway, I bring all this up b/c I know how depressing the coming out process can be, and I imagine lots of you are on antidepressants too (unless you're a Scientologist), or seeing a therapist (I've never tried, is it helpful?).

According to this study I found, there is a much higher rate of suicide and suicidal thoughts in gay teenagers than straight teenagers. Which makes sense - I've thought about suicide quite a bit over the years. Sometimes it was the thought of being gay that made me want to do it, and sometimes it was just generally being depressed (which was no doubt in part caused by the anxiety of potentially being gay). I've never shared this with anyone, but this is something I wrote when I was really depressed… it's kinda like a poem of sorts. I wrote it in college, and it was well before I had come out to myself.

He just laid there on the bed and felt sorry for himself. What a worthless piece of shit he was. He wanted to cry, but thought that would be overly dramatic. He thought about all the people he knew, and how much he hated them. They didn’t really care about him. Sure most people are nice when you talk to them, but when push comes to shove, all they care about are themselves.