Mid Life – What Crisis?

There is a saying, no-one loves a fairy when they’re fat and forty! But then again, there is another, also widely used common saying, life begins at forty!

I’m not sure which one I most believe, although I must admit, just recently I’ve done a lot of soul searching on the subject. You see last month, I reached the grand old age of 40! This is, it has to be said, a milestone in anybodies life. It’s one of those scary ages, an age that can, and often is pivotal in ones life. Things seem to change whether we want them to or not and regardless of us being ready.

I guess reaching 40 is more than little scary, even more so for us gay men, than perhaps our heterosexual counterparts, for no matter where you go, England, America, Australia, the gay scene is very much age-centric. Yeah, it sure is, age is the thing, don’t believe me, well just take a look around, the whole thing is geared up for the young, the scene is for the youthful, it’s for life’s pretty people, not the gays gone grey! 80 per cent of gay porn sites feature twinks, all the flyer’s you see for nightclubs, bars, raves and the like are aimed at the younger crowed. Flick through a gay glossy magazine and gander thos fancy ads, they are all, pretty much targeted at the 18 to 25 age range, possibly a bit further, up to 30 and you know, 30′s pushing it a bit.

Indeed a friend of mine said to be being 40 is the equivalent of being 80 in gay years, such is the ageism that exists in the gay community! I’m not sure I’d go that far, but I do know that as I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed that less and less interest being paid to me in the bars and clubs around my hometown, but that may have something to do with my ever increasing waistline! Seriously, I’ve felt more and more out of place in the hip venues as the years have piled up. The whole gay scene seems to be more and more age-centric these days, youth is king, youth rules, the young pretty much take over and control of the ‘scene’ we used to call ours, and hitting milestone ages like 40 and 50 can become harder and harder.
“I hated approaching and just after my 40th” Says Andrew, a 45 year old gay guy from Brighton. “it was torture, before the big day I thought life would change, then the big day came and I felt different. I felt too old to be single and out on the scene. The young queens just leered and sneered at me, being the oldest in the club is not much fun. For a while I became a recluse, rather than life begging, I felt it had died”
Andrew is not alone, I for one don’t feel like I’m over the hill just yet, I still love dancing my tits off in a sweaty club, but, the oldest swinger in town I don’t wanna be. I no longer have youth on my side and those aches and pains come far more rapidly and take longer to heal and recover.
Being 40 brings a realisation, that life is and has a limited span to it, I like countless others have to face the fact that I don’t have a much time left in which to put things off until! I aint getting any younger!
Another reason why so many guys have a funny mid-life crisis could be that when we were young we probably imagined where we’d be at this grand old age, this magic number 40, what we’d have, what we’d done, the lovers we’d had, the experience that had been enjoyed and lived. Not that we’re there, at that age, we look, reflect and compare our previous youthful aspirations to our current realities. A rich multi-millionaire writer and broadcaster with apartments in London, New York, LA and Sydney that’s where I’d be at age 40, so I thought when I was 16, well needless to say, reality is somewhat different, I’ve got a cheap rented dingy apartment in Carterville, IL and I’m staying with my brother here in Brighton, England,I work hard to eek out a living and have enough savings to buy a 6 pack of Coors and a bag of Hershey kisses! Yep, I am a long, long way away from those distant dreams I had when I was young.
I am, I suppose about to head at break neck sppeds into the time of a mid life crisis, we’ve already established I aint one of life’s pretty people, the bird of youth has well and truly flown this nest, monetary and materialistic wealth is something that passed me by without stopping, I’ve got more than a couple of extra pounds around my waist and, in case you’ve missed it, I’m 40! So, yes, I’m pretty much ripe for a crisis of mid-life.
According to the UK’s National Health Service around 20% of men have a mid-life crisis and it happens when men think they’ve reached life’s halfway stage. Anxieties over what they’ve accomplished so far, either in their job or personal life, can cause a period of depression. In guys, this usually happens between the ages of 35 and 50 and can last for up to 10 years.
It’s a controversial syndrome which health experts think is related to the brain or to hormonal changes. While it may be a great source of jokes and amusement for some, for those affected it can be quite debilitating.
So, as I said, I’m about ready for my crisis, in fact I kinda want one, I want to perhaps get that Harley and ride along route 66, maybe I’ll learn to hang glide – not something recommended for those with a fear of heights, or I could get myself a sexy 21 year old boyfriend. Oh wait a minute, that last one, I’ve already got! As for the rest – bring it on!

Jason Shaw writes exclusively for Best Gay Blogs & The Seafront Diaries