Crusing for Love

I’ve felt dirty. My impulses got the best of me and took over the wheel. I drove aimlessly, seeking to find refuge in the shadows…warmth in the heat of a stranger. Cruising with a vacant mind, the hunger was painful. I felt so filthy and I needed to come clean. I sought a confessional, whether it was an alley, bathroom stall or night shaded park.

Have you ever felt this way? Lately, I’ve been revisiting those feelings of shame and secrecy. As bad as it sounds, it aroused me to no end. To take a voyage into the forbidden, to take a risk; I could explode right there in the drivers’ seat…sometimes I did.
There’s something about the state your body slips into; somewhere between caution and vacancy. My heart would bang through my chest as I developed cottonmouth; my hands would start to move on their own. The Bible would refer to this as “Double Mindedness” where there is a true division between the flesh and the spirit. My logic and reasoning would scream out as my body took on a mind of its own.

More at: Journals of an Intelsexual!