One Reminder to Forget !
December 13, 2009 by Jason Shaw
Just when I thought it was safe, just when I thought nothing could touch me, hurt me, just when I thought that this would be the day where I don’t stop and think about HIM, A Matt free day, as I like to call them now, there it was, screaming at me with unblinking, boldness that tore through my body like a double dose of Senekot!
This morning I found out that despite my resolve mys best efforts, this was not going to be a Matt free day after all and it wasn’t my fault at all, not in the slightest. Nope, today wasn’t going to be one of those days where I’d stare out the window for an hour and wonder where he was or what, or even whom he was doing. Equally, this was not going to be a day where I would toy, contemplate and cogitate about the sending of a Birthday Greetings Card from yours truly to him! Or indeed a Christmas card for that matter, as has been my want over the last couple of weeks.
Yes, OK, I know, he’s the one I was going to give up everything for. Yes I know, he was the one I was buying a house for in a country I wasn’t yet allowed to live in. Yes I know he was the man of my dreams and I was his well, baggage that he got rid of. Yes I know all these facts, and I know that he did the dirty and dumped me by email, all of these facts my friends have told me, reaffirmed when I casually broached the subject of sending greetings cards across the pond to the land of Wal-Mart, Dairy Queen and Sonic. They have been rather blunt, forceful, steadfast and not shy in coming forward with their views to my pondering’s over the said card sending.
Anyway, I’m starting to ramble on a bit here, I’m sure you didn’t come here to Best Gay Blogs to read about my mind drifting away, to learn about the ramblings of a middle aged (eiks that hurts!) English fruitcake, did you? I’m starting to do that a lot these days, ramble, I try not to, indeed make a serious effort to stick to the point and leave it at that, but for some reason, I just cant. I don’t know why, I just drifts out my mouth, or off my fingers over the keys. Mind you, I’m also getting a lot of hot flushes just lately too. You know one moment chilly cold (this is England remember!) the next I’m stripping off layer after layer and feel like I’m burning up. This can be a tad embarrassing when you realise just that moment too late that you don’t in fact have an undershirt on and that you’re now topless on a December morning in the middle of the post office – but there, I’m digressing and rambling off on a tangent again. But yes these hot flushes is a killer, it’s almost like the thing that woman go through at a certain age that us men folk are not supposed to talk about – the change of life! Hey, I wonder, is it possible for men to go through the menopause? After all I am a man and by god I sure am on a pause of men at the moment ! Nope, I guess not.
Sorry, rambling again, right, back to today, yet there I was, so sure I was going to have a Matt free when like a ton of bricks falling on my head out of a blue sky, came the biggest electronic slap in the face you can get, an email with the subject line in unblinking bold type “Doesn’t Matthew Deserve More Flowers?” ‘NO he bloody, buggering bolloking flipperty fuckerty does not deserve more flowers’ I shouted out loud to my laptop screen, which drew bemused looks from those around me, for you see I was in Starbucks at the time!
It was from the florist I’d used to send Matt 48 red roses for St Valentines day and I guess I was so in love back then I filled out all the memorable dates, so a few days before they’d send me email reminders, ensuring no birthday, anniversary, christening, would be forgotten. But seeing it in black and white on my screen was a bit of a kick in the rude parts, a slap round the face with a wet fish, a dig in the ribs with a sharp stick, a …. well you get the point, it stung my heart, twisting the knife that Matt left there, just the little bit deeper, that little bit more! I’ve never before deleted an email with such anger, I probably never will again either, on account of my enter key springing up from my keyboard, across the tables of Starbucks, bouncing off the head of large mother and ugly child!
Jason’s advice to anyone going though a break up of any type, kind or description is make sure you go back and cancel any reminders you may have previously set with florists, cake makers, wine merchants, carpenters, shoppers, wedding list providers before they come back and kick you in the teeth with a reminder of what a happy ever after you’re not having!!
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