Silver? No Thanks!
February 27, 2010 by Jason Shaw
I guess it was only a matter of time, an inevitable consequence of increasing age perhaps, therefore something I should have been aware of, indeed expected even. But, that didn’t stop the shock this morning when I noticed it.
Nope, some massive great big spider had not crawled up from the drain hole, nor fallen into the shower. Nope, nor was it that dirty nosy perv from next door peeping out from behind the shower screen with his Polaroid!
No, the sight that greeting my eyes was far far worse than that, far more of the unexpected expected. A natural but unwelcome sight, for there nestled withing the brown was grey! Yes, I freaked my arse out of the shower, almost tripping over the screen, shower gel stinging my eyes almost the sight of my first grey hair, ending up on my backside on the wooden floor feeling dejected, depressed oh and wet!
Now, I know what you are thinking, you’ve seen the photos of me, you’ve noticed grey hairs by my temples, but I’m talking lower than the head! Yes, this morning I found my first grey pubic hair! I was expecting it, like I said, it’s an inevitable part of getting older, something that will or has happened to most of us, but even that knowledge doesn’t soften the blow, doesn’t ease the initial shock, I mean I had a fucking grey pube for fuck sake!!!
I say had, I don’t any more, it’s gone now, the offending protrusion was soon ripped from it’s roots with a rapidity that frankly even surprised me. It blooming well hurt too, but at least I’d got rid of that one stray grey. But, strangely enough, even as I was bidding that single hair goodbye down the u-bend, I heard the voice of my old Gran in my heard ’Pluck one grey hair and another seven grow in it’s place.’ It’s an old wives tale of course, well then again, my Gran was an old wife, but you know what I mean. Such sayings are just that, sayings, not truth, not fact. However, whilst I know there are times in the future, a time when I’ll be a silver fox, both up top and down below. But, until that time, I don’t wanna be grey, not down there, it’s just not right, well OK, it’s right, but it’s not …..not the right time!
So, with the irrational fear bubbling round my head, along with Gran’s voice, which means it’s a pretty crowded in my head at the best of times! I just picked up my razor, yep and then in short order my short and curlys were no long attached, gone they were. I now may have a shaving rash, it may be a little scratchy, indeed, I may have an itchy crotch, but at least it’s not a grey one!
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