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Gaga About Gaga

James — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 11:00:24 +0000

I had a boyfriend who told me I’d never succeed, never be nominated for a Grammy, never have a hit song, and that he hoped I’d fail. I said to him, ‘Someday, when we’re not together, you won’t be able to order a cup of coffee at the fucking deli without hearing or seeing me. – Lady GaGa in Cosmopolitan

Find more about Lady Gaga at: Blaug of Gaga!

Back on the Market….

Jason Shaw — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 11:00:27 +0000

I am, I suppose, through no fault of my own, back in the market. And when I say back on the market, I don’t mean I’m up at Brighton racecourse flogging knock off Kappa Tracksuits and fake designer Armani pants.

Nor do I mean I’m around the Level getting me hands dirty handling a few plums and other assorted fruits! No, I’m on the human kind of market, and no, I’m not a gentleman of the night, a street walker, an escort of the male kind, a man whore or boy of rent. What I really mean is that Jason Shaw is back on the market, up and ripe for relationship, open for the future, I am back in the land of the singleton and approaching this world of dating, yet again!

I’ll be honest with you, it’s been a bit of a while since I’ve strayed down this path, entered this departures hall of the mass single travelers wanting not to be heading along life’s solo highway. I’m not one of those experienced serial daters, I’m not one of those guys that jump from one bloke to the next, it’s never been my way. OK, perhaps it was when I was a younger teenager, but not for a long while, for crying out loud, I’m 40!

As any regular reader will advise, it’s not been that long come out of a relationship with that bloke Matt, yes that American boy. You know, the one that whipped in and broke my heart and disposed of me by email, yes, email! The flaming cheek, but hey, I’m not bitter – honest! However, before him, I suppose I was single, but not exactly on the dating circuit, on the market, I wasn’t looking and nor was I searching for love. I was just going about my life, tipping along happily in my own little way.

You know in pre-Matt days, I was a happy single gay guy, occasionally meeting someone in one of the numerous bars, pubs and clubs that cater for us sexual’s of the homo kind. But playing game, that dating one, I wasn’t. So, that guess is a long way to say that I was out of practice of dating. The whole dating scene seems to have moved on a peg or two since my days of being young and fruity. back then there was no rules, not it appears there are at least two rules books, so many do’s and don’t, where to go, what to do, who calls who first, all that kinda stuff, to stay over or not. It’s seems not only the rules that have changed, but the whole games moved on!

I downloaded an app for the iPhone & iPod Touch, it’s called Grindr, w it’s basically a meeting site, you see tiny wee photo’s of guys and the clever thing is they are all local, within a few miles of you! Yeah, it’s like a local directory of gay males, which kind of appealed to me, after all better to date someone 4 miles, rather than 4000 miles away! Anyway, I gave it a go, I loaded on a piccie of me and waited for the rush of men to come. And I waited, and waited and waited and even waited some more!

It took a while, but the first message I got was a request for a photo of my lower portions from a 69 year old Hove man into leather pants, rubber masks and train sets! Yes – Train Sets!!! None of which floats my boat, so he was politely, yet firmly declined and my undercarriage was left unphotographed. Good start, well, perhaps not. Would the second go any better? Was my luck going to change? Ermm, sadly no, the second person responding to my Grindr profile, was a guy wanting to know if I was an air steward or a policeman or a road sweeper, I sent back honestly informing that I was none of those professions, to which he asked if I had any uniforms at all, again my answer was negative, to which he replied with a message saying I was as useful as a teapot made of chocolate and to go boil my gonads in a vat of acid! Charming.

I sent messages of a friendly nature to a few of the profiles, but got very little back and things were not looking good. My emergence into the dating world was not the unfettered success I’d hoped it would be, indeed it was far from success, more in common with failure. But, hey you know me, I’m not the sort of person to give up, roll over and die, well not just yet anyway, so persevere I did.

Next one, on the list was nice looking, seemingly fun guy, a few messages, a few texts, then we arranged to me outside a local bar at 7pm. I know, the very first date, I got all dressed up, kind of all excited, date one, I also have to say there was a certain amount of trepidation on my part, I am, as I say, hopelessly out of practice at this dating lark. What if he didn’t like me, what if I didn’t like him, all kinds of variables flash through my mind as I waited outside the bar, from 6.45pm. By the time the big hand was on the 6 and little hand was on the 7, it finally dawned on me that he wasn’t coming, that I’d been standing in the cold outside a pub like lemon for over half an hour. Yes, yours truly had been stood up! How long do you wait before you finally accept that stood up, you have been? Is there a time limit? It’s probably written about in one of those dating guides, those guides that I haven’t read. Honestly, after waiting 45 earth minutes outside of a local gay bar in the midst of an English winter, I ain’t waiting no more!

Had those events put me off? They bloody well should have done, but do you think they had? Really?? I suppose it came as a bit of a relief that I had a little bit more luck with the next date I arranged with a trolly dolly from Preston Park, that I also met on Grindr. We arranged to meet near the local cineplex, have a couple of drinks before the film and then maybe one or two after. Now when I said I little bit more luck, I mean at least one that actually turned up. However, he was late, so late in fact that there was no time for drinks prior to the movie! Obviously I wasn’t the one for him, he rudely continued to text and check his grindr profile on his iPhone during the movie and as soon as it was, he was off, rapid, like a rat up a drainpipe!

So there we are, Jason is back on the market, back in the dating world, but it’s not proving easy and plain sailing, indeed this being single lark is pretty darn hard. How can it be so difficult to meet a guy that is interested in more than just sharing bodily fluids in the local cruising area? Can it be there is love out there? Or am I flogging a dead horse? Do I carry on with this dating malarkey, or should I just chuck everything in the sea, give up on men, become a monk and grow grapes for a living?

On a final note, some people are like slinkies, not a lot of use, but put a smile on your face when you push them down stairs!

Elliot’s a fan! “Jason Shaw, writes my socks off”

The Remarkable Tale of Orchie ?

Jason Shaw — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 21:24:05 +0000

Today I bring you the remarkable tale of Orchie the orchid! Yes, I know, not the usual kind of post you’d expect from me, but read on, you might be surprised and if not surprised then entertained at least!

Matt, you know the American, the one who broke my heart with and email…….. yeah, yeah yeah, you know the whole story, but anyway, last year for my birthday he gave me an orchid, rather nice one too. Don’t ask me what kind it was, I haven’t a clue, all I know it was all pink and pretty. As soon as I got it, I loved it, truly I did, but I don’t think it had similar feelings toward me. No in fact it was a little on the disappointed side of life, a little droopy. Mind, you, I can understand that, there he was, yes he is a he, I’m not really qualified for sexing an orchid but I’m sure he’s a he, a proud upstanding male orchid, , but regardless of sex, there he was, growing nice and big in the garden centre, taking lessons, growing tall, taking on all the nutrients he could. Learning as much as he could, for he knew the day was coming, where he’s be picked up, packed in a study box, and then delivered to his new home. A home that could be anywhere, literally any place in the world, the excitement must have been too much to bare for the young orchid. All those possibilities, a rich family in Kensignton in London, a smart plush office in Paris, a warm kitchen table centre piece in a Sydney suburb, or a soulful singer’s studio in New York! And what does he get to see when the box is opened, the world exposed again? The bedroom of a slightly chubby 40 year old in Portslade, hardly the height of glamour and sophistication.

I could tell he wasn’t best pleased with his surroundings, his droopy leaves and sad flowers gave that particular game away. But, I tried to make him happy, I watered him, I fed him, I talked to him, I tried to give him the best start in his new home, he had pride of place. But still, all these efforts had little effect, the orchid was, I firmly believe, depressed. He was given to me by Matt, and whilst our relationship tumbled, Orchid, or Orchie as I tended to call him, also floundered.

When I flew off over the pond to the the land of the Dairy Queen and Auntie Annes, I told Orchie that I was going to win back the heart of the love of my life, however Orchie feigned a smile and just looked less than impressed. Needless to say, when I returned from America, not the jubilant victor, but the crumpled sad remnants of a looser, Orchie was in a sorry state, to say the very least, in fact he was little more than a couple of storks and a few leaves hanging limp and lifeless down the side of the pot, like green blobs of paint dripping down the wall after being splatted there by someone as good as me at painting, and I’m not good at all.

I said a sad farewell to him, thinking his days were numbered, perhaps in single fugues, and put him to spend his final days in the back bedroom. Which, isn’t as bad as it sounds, it’s south facing, getting the most of the days sun, free from draughts and closed curtains and the probing, not so green, fingers of 40 year old full of good intentions yet lacking in growing ability and knowledge!

That could very well have been the end of this sad tale, this story of life, this horticultural link between plant and human interaction. Indeed, as my heart broke, Orchie’s life drained away like the sands of time through an hour glass. Just as the relationship between Matt and I had broken down beyond all hope, so too had little Orchid’s lifespan. But, just like in the best Hollywood blockbuster movies, the latest Richard Curtis rom-com or one of those trashy airport bought novels that we all diss and criticise, but have us locked page after page on holiday, something magical happened!

Orchie, the little minx, wasn’t dead after all, he was alive, he started to show new green buds, a new leaf, a sign of life in the old down trodden plant yet – a bit like me! So Orchies’ new attempt at life, had to be encouraged, I moved his location to the kitchen, where he could have company and conversation. I mean, they need talking to, ever day I say a few words to him, I don’t want him to be lonely, and I read somewhere that talking to plants makes them happy. Plus I don’t wanna be woken one day to find the Society For The Prevention of Cruelty to Plants knocking on my front door, claiming that Orchie is being mistreated! So, anyway, he’s in the kitchen, he gets a daily talking to, he watering needs are taken care of and he’s blooming and blossoming very nicely thank you very much.

There it is, there you blooming well have it, Orchie the Orchid is positively thriving, following a pretty amazing spectacular turn of fortunes. Now if, could that be a sign, an indication, that this bizarre plant analogy is not actually to far from the real events that is my life, really? OK, lets look at the evidence, when I got the plant, my relationship with Matt, at least in my eyes, mind and heart, was perfect, pretty and blossoming. Then as a little time passed, the communication wained as Matt’s feelings changed and Orchie started to droop and fail, it’s life blood draining away. Crisis time, the email to me from Matt, ending it all, was the day all flower petals fell away, over to America I flew, Orchie’s leaves wobbled, I came back empty handed and single and the last resemblance of life disappeared from the once proud plant, it was all too much to cope with and given up, we pretty much had. Now, just as my life moves on, so too does Orchie’s, he’s onward and upward growing and me…..

That’s Junior, another fan! keep up to date with Jason Shaw’s quirky life on The Seafront Diaries, the tales of a middle aged gay man running from one mini crisis to another!

Anne Brooke – The Interview

Jason Shaw — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 11:00:22 +0000

The publishing industry is, to be honest a bit of an enigma, there is no rhyme or reason to why some authors are published first time, while others have to face the pain and heartbreak of the rejection slip time and time again. Stephen King’s Carrie was rejected dozens of times, JK Rowling’s first Harry Potter book had 12 rejections, Golding’s classic Lord d Of The Flies was passed up no less than 20 times, whilst Richard Adam’s received around 26 rejection letters! Sometimes, it just takes a little time before talent shines through, but if it’s that difficult in the mainstream market, just imagine how much harder is it for gay authors or writers of gay fiction?

Our very own Jason Shaw chat’s to top up and coming UK author, Anne Brooke about publishing, writing and gay fiction in an exclusive interview for www.GayAgenda.com

How difficult is it to get published?Hugely hugely hugely hugely difficult. I’ve always struggled with this aspect of writing, and it’s the most disheartening thing on the planet. I actually once cried for a whole weekend at a very bad setback (literally – I didn’t stop) and my poor husband was beside himself trying to work out how to make things better. It normally takes me about 2 years from finishing a novel to find someone to publish it, and it’s awful having the word “failure” written across your skin during that time. It’s got slightly better recently as I have a couple of GLBT publishers in the US who are willing to look at what I write, so that’s been a real boon. I’m struggling to get any sort of a publisher fo

r my fantasy series (with some GLBT content – the main character is gay) however, as I think it’s seen as too literary and there isn’t enough sex in it for the usual GLBT fantasy market. I do think it’s a shame that gay fiction is somehow automatically linked with erotic fiction – after all, straight fiction isn’t. The understanding of what’s on offer needs to be a little wider, I think.

Do you feel the big publishing houses turn their back on gay fiction? Is so – why?

Yes, absolutely. Only small publishing houses tend to publish gay fiction in any quantities. I think, for the big publishing houses, it’s seen as something for which there isn’t a big enough market. They also don’t like it when a gay fiction writer turns out to be a girl. Maloney’s Law was turned down by two agents purely on that basis alone (they were totally honest about it!), even though it was placed in two UK awards. That was hard.

Where is it easier to get published, America or UK?

No question – America for sure! The UK industry is far too narrow-minded and insular, sadly.

Is there hope for the future, indeed where do you think the GLBT publishing industry will be in 10 years time?

I’m hoping it will be a mainstream part of publishing, but I fear it won’t. I’m hoping that the small publishers who currently offer GLBT literature will grow in strength and be seen as a vital part of the publishing world, rather than a poor relative, as I think they currently are. More power to our elbows is what I say!

What’s been the greatest influence?

Other writers, like Maria McCann or Patricia Duncker have been a very strong influence. I don’t think I would ever have written my first proper novel, A Dangerous Man, without reading McCann’s As Meat Loves Salt. Even though she writes historical and I write contemporary. I loved the idea of a psychotic hero – it really clicked with me.

I’ve alwasy found it hard to sit and actually do some writing, how do you start to write, whats the actual ‘Anne Brooke’ process?

I always write the first scene and then I feel I’ve got myself grounded in the book. Then I write an end scene, and start filling in the middle. 9 times out of 10 the end scene will change dramatically when I finally get there in reality, as I’ll have got to know the characters so much better by then. For instance, with Maloney’s Law, when I got to the end, I totally changed the ending, as I realised Paul Maloney would never in a thousand years do what I had him doing at first. So that was a surprise. I tend, on the whole, to write in a linear fashion although occasionally I’ll dot around if I’ve got inspiration for a scene that comes later. I wouldn’t want to forget it!

Whats the hardest part of writing, is there a part that’s harder than others?

When something isn’t going well, I beat myself up about it way too much, when maybe I should just step back and give it some time – writers are the most obsessive of people, I’m sure. I also find the 30,000-40,000 word zone really tricky – it’s a mid-novel slump and I have to think of something to type that will wake me up and wake the reader up. I hate the thought that the book might be sagging.

“Every writer I know has trouble, writing” so said Joseph Heller, Mae West gave the adice “Keep a diary, and one day it will keep you” “If one other person is moved by what my pen creates, then I am a happy man” JS, so what’s the best and the worst thing about being a writer, Anne?

The best thing is creating a world of my own in the pages of a book and getting to know a character. I also love writing the sex scenes and the violence scenes – it’s odd how easily they get written, but then again we’re all human! The worst thing is the long trog to publication, if it happens at all – that’s utterly killing.

It’s pretty unusual isn’t it, a straight married woman writing gay fiction?
Actually, there are a lot of us about! There are a lot of straight married women publishing gay fiction in the US, and it’s also an interesting fact that so many of us are connected with the church too. Seriously though, I’m not really sure how odd it is. After all gay men, such as EM Forster, can happily write novels about straight women, and it didn’t do him any harm. I think everyone’s human – the important thing is to write about people in all their variety. I’m also convinced that the current age does have a real obsession with sex – I’m often asked how I can write gay fiction when I have no direct experience of being gay, but nobody has ever asked me about the other issues that occur in my books, such as murder, rape, torture, people trafficking, child abuse and incest. I don’t have any direct experience of those either (you’ll probably be pleased to hear in those cases), but I think we’re all human and can imagine what such experiences would be like.

How do you think the GLBT community has changed over the last 10 years?

I think people are more open about the issues of sexuality which is great, and society as a whole (at least western society) is more accepting about people with different preferences. About time too! But there’s still a horrendously long way to go – it makes me so cross that gay people can’t get married in church – why not!!??? I keep asking myself. It’s ridiculous that it’s not permitted and the church makes way too much of a fuss about it. I’m also shocked by the recent anti-homosexuality stance in Uganda – that’s been a deeply saddening eye-opener. Prejudice is still here – far too much of it too.

Anne Brooke, The full and exclusive interview on GayAgenda.com by Jason Shaw

Anne Brooke’s fiction has been shortlisted for the Harry Bowling Novel Award, the Royal Literary Fund Awards, and the Asham Award for Women Writers. She has also twice been the winner of the DSJT Charitable Trust Open Poetry Competition. She loves reading dark and quirky crime novels and has a secret passion for bird watching and chocolate. Preferably at the same time. She once took a balloon flight in Egypt but spent most of the time screaming!

You can find out more about her work from her website http://www.annebrooke.com/ where you’ll find links to purchase her highly recommended books.

Jason’s own blog, The Seafront Diaries chronicles the witty, funny sometimes scary side of life as a middle aged English gay guy, running from one crisis to another.

“Jason Shaw on Best Gay Blogs

Rocks my socks” – Stig Jan 2010!

Staying Awake for Grammy?

Jason Shaw — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 20:38:14 +0000

My nose is so red, it’s now being used as a warning beacon to low flying aircraft, nope, I’m not auditioning for the role of lead reindeer for a once a year Christmas gig, nor am I retraining for a career fishing from a toadstools in someones front garden. I am, in fact a snot making machine, or veritable cornucopia of spherical filamentous particles 120 nanometres wide! In other words, I have the flu, which as ya typical British man, obviously means I’m knocking on deaths door and ready to meet my maker!

I’m a bit disappointed as it’s left me low all weekend and it’s not often that I have the whole weekend free from the constrains that is work. Oh well, such is life I suppose.

Can you believe it’s February already? It is, it slipped in the back door, while the world was sleeping, 2010 is already a month old and just 11 to go before 2010 gives way to 2011 and January is already little more than a memory. I’m not sure how I feel about it already being 02 now and not 01, I mean January hasn’t exactly been all that memorable, I’ve not been overrun with offers, in fact one could say its been a bit of a dull start to the year really. Indeed one could say that, and indeed I just have, but hey, I always look to the future with open eyes (hard to look with closed ones!) looking for the best, hoping for a miracle, glass is always half full and all that!

Grammy Time!

I stayed up late last night to watch The Grammy’s live, it’s wasn’t on TV over here, so had to watch it live streaming from CBS TV on the net, complete with all the adverts and trailers and the like and you know what? I So miss American TV, I never thought I’d say that, but I do, I miss everything about it, well perhaps not the level of ad’s or rather their frequency, a little over the top, but I miss the shows, the news, the trails and indeed some of the ad’s.

Prescriptive drugs, now, to me that strange thing to advertise, it’s not something that’s done over here in Europe, but over in the land of the Red Chevvy Colbalt and the Green Camero, not only is it allowed, they’re pretty frequent. But it’s not the product themselves that I miss, it’s the long list of side effects and of whom their are not suitable that also feature in the ad’s, that I miss. Isn’t that odd?

There’s an edge of excitement in the local TV news over in southern Illinois, even if it was only for the local football results, a level that is not often found over here in sleepy little English local news, the feeling of community that is fostered by the local American stations is also a refreshing difference. Perhaps that’s why even now, in fact only just the day before yesterday, I flicked through the local stories on the news websites for that area. I have a thirst for knowledge of what I wanted to have become my local area. I want to see how bad the snow was, what was going on, what was making headlines in Marion, Paducah, Carbondale and Carterville. Maybe because I have a, strained tenuous connection to the area, or maybe it because I’m a sad lonely middle aged man, still hankering after what I can’t have, the door of which has been so firmly shut in my face the reverberations are still buzzing around my skull, or perhaps because I’m a bit of a new junky! I like to think it’s the latter!

I did have a chuckle and thought it was a funny place to have a bus stop when I first saw these photos from local news media, a Saluki Express bus at the local movie theatre. Then realised that I knew where it was, that I’d actually walked passed that very place, that exact spot, the very last time I was over in Carbondale. It could have been me waiting for the bus! Although, wait for a bus, Saluki or otherwise is not a thing I did much of! Thankfully no one was seriously hurt in the incident and it’s really made me think about fate, buses and being in Carbondale. I do miss it, ya know, no, not buses, but being in Illinois, in Carbondale, indeed I’d need to buy a thesaurus to adequately describe exactly how and what I miss about that area, about the lifestyle, the homes, the media, the TV, in fact the whole thing of being there really. But, hey, I’ve not made that purchase and bore you I do not wish to do!

Going back to the 52nd Grammy’s, which is why I started this post in the first place, before I got sidetracked by my own wayward mind, reminiscing on the past, or perhaps dreaming about it, which is a most dangerous occupations, for it stops you moving forward, onward and upward, so enough! Get on with it Jason!

It was great to see the lovely Beyonce picking up not one, not two, not three, but six of the little gold gramophones, good on ya girl, also Taylor Swift bagged a fair few of the awards, full list if the winners can be found here, it was also pleasing to see Kings of Leon take ‘record of the year’ with ‘Use Somebody’ & The Ting Ting’s nominated for ‘best new artist, lost out to Zac Brown Band – (who?) but was good to see em up there.

‘I Got A Feeling’ by the Black Eyed Pea’s stole off the ‘best performance by a duo or group’ which got a big cheer from me and the crowd inside The Staples Center in LA. The lovely, yet odd, Lady GaGa got a couple, that’ll make my little friend Ant, grin from ear to ear when he finds out! Other nominations that gave me a little cheer inside (Remember I was watching this at 2am!) was seeing our very own Neil & Chris – AKA The Pet Shop Boy’s nominated for ‘best electronic/dance album’ with Yes, and ‘best alternative music album’ to a group I’ve been raving about for months, Death Cab For A Cutie – ‘Open Door’ but is that really what counts as Alternative these days?

There was a lovely performance from Mary J Blige and Andrea Bocelli with Bridge Over Trouble Waters in aid if the Haiti appeal, also the Michael Jackson tribute was kinda good, even if it did have Usher taking part, but RIP stands for rest in peace, for a reason – peace! Anyway, all in all it was a good night/morning of telly watching, all be it in the small laptop screen, which now means that along with the flu, I also have an aching neck and sore eyes!

More soon from Jason Shaw, that odd British bloke running from one mini mid life crisis to another, this time with a streaming nose and sore eyes. Catch up on the blog The Seafront Diaries.

The Young Arm of the Law

Jason Shaw — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 11:00:37 +0000

I was walking down St James Street, here in the wilds of Brighton, the main gay area of this seaside town that I call home.

It was the other morning after a shift from hell at work and I saw two police officers walking up the street, one was a girl and one was a boy. Now, I’m a good boy, I don’t get up to naughty things, well, not these days anyway, but as these two law enforcement officers had me stopped in my tracks. Two things struck me about them, their height, neither was taller then my own 5′6″ frame and their age! My god, they looked young, I mean really young, the kinda young that would have looked more in place in a completely different kind of uniform, a school one!

Since when did the Police start recruiting from the rank and file of middle school kids? These were seriously young looking coppers, the boy one had a clean shaven face, not even a slightest hint of stubble, in fact I’d doubt a razor has even ever touched his face. ‘The phrase ‘Smooth as a babies bum’ springs to mind, and as for the girl, she looked like she should have been more at home playing with Barbie than patrolling the rough gay streets of Kemp Town!

It set me thinking, perhaps it’s not them, perhaps it’s me, perhaps I’ve now got to the age when everyone else starts looking young, I mean, I’m not a spring chicken anymore, you may have many ways to describe me, but young would not be top of the list, that’s for sure. So, perhaps, it’s really a sign of getting older that all the coppers start looking young, a sure sign apparently, almost as sure as going passed something pretty and saying “Ohh that would make a lovely postcard”

Have I got that to look forward to now? the coppers of the world looking fresh out of high school? If I do bad things am I going to get arrested by a baby in blue? Are all the boy in blue gonna be just that, boys? Can it be one of the pains of growing older is seeing pretty much all those in authority not only looking younger, but actually being younger, it’s a case of that young looking policeman is a young policeman! Yes, I guess it’s inevitable, of course, but even so, it’s still a kick in the rubber parts when you finally realise it. Yet another mini midlife crisis to cope with!

Wanna be a fan?

“Jason Shaw on Best Gay Blogs

Rocks my socks” – Stig Jan 2010!

Jason Shaw, it’s life jim, but not as we know it! The Seafront Diaries, tales from the mind of a kooky English guy heading into middle age with one mini crisis after another.

Sunday Sunday

Jason Shaw — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 11:00:41 +0000

Do you like Sunday’s? Are they enjoyable? Or perhaps you hate and detest them with a passion? After they the epitome of hell on earth? Dull, boring, depressing and the worst day of the week?

I can remember quite clearly days of my youth, kicking about on a Sunday in Surrey without a thing to do, bored out of my young brains and cursing the fact that Sunday was here again and boredom would reign supreme, at least till bed time! You see in those days, in that area there really wasn’t that much to do, shops weren’t open, except for the newsagents and even then only in the morning for a few hours. Pretty much all other retail outlets remained closed, yes, even supermarkets! Sunday, was, during my youth a day of rest, a day of relaxation, church and contemplation. Which for a child, a teen of the age was depressing, and on top of that, TV was the dullest of the dull – well for a kid anyway, I mean things like ‘Antiques Roadshow’ ‘Songs of Praise’ and ‘Points of View’

It would be so bad if the weather was fine, then I’d take my bicycle and ride, ride like the wind and explore far off areas and foreign lands – well at least as far as Reigate, Woodhatch, but not as far as Dorking or passed Earlswood! But on rainy days, home was the only place to be, once homework had been completed, there was little to do, save for looking out of the window and dreaming of being somewhere else and often someone else. Oh how I wanted to be in a different place as a kid, in my mind it didn’t matter where, just anywhere that wasn’t there, a place called freedom, a place where things were exciting, a place that had life! Oh how those Sunday daydreams I had were my only solace, my only company, my only escape from reality!

Sunday’s these days are a little different, at least the ones where I don’t have to rush off to work, days when I can relax and loiter for a while. I love getting the Sunday papers, all bulging with news reviews, supplements, magazines and all sorts. There’s something comfortingly English about immersing oneself in the Sunday papers and not coming out till the coffee’s long gone cold and the stomach rumbles with the pains of hunger. It’s a simple pleasure that, I really do feel you only properly enjoy as you get older, it’s like a switch, you get to say 30, 35 or 40 and suddenly it’s ‘click’ you’re not out gallivanting on a Sunday, nope, you’ll rather be home, warm and snug and reading the papers!

Yesterday I had lunch round at Mo’s, a lovely cheesey vegge bake that was so scrumptious I could easily live off it for the rest of my days! It was a rather interesting day, first up was Mo’s 20 year old daughter, fuming and fussing and cursing her way through the news that some dirty perv had pulled photos of her from her face book page and placed them on a rather unsavoury porn site, with various descriptions for her ample and enhanced bosoms including, my own personal favourite ‘cum catchers’. A classic reminder about privacy settings if ever there was one. Then I held court as Mo quizzed me on my love like, of lack there of, gentle probing for news of any potential lovers, possible boyfs, maybe relationships or future shags! (a few names were mentioned from twitter buddies!)

I was introduced to Antoinette, Mo’s granddaughter’s new love interest, Christopher, who has the most appealing jaw line and facial bone structure, A fine afternoon of fun, gossip, chit chat and nosh, fuelled with a little bit of wineage ensued. Obviously, I flirted just the required amount with Chris, all in fun, which raised a giggle or so. I even nearly talked him in to being another Seafront Fan, just like the lovely Stig! Apparently, the 24 year old has quite a muscly frame, but alas, he’s wimped out and broken the buddy shake, even though I told him he could keep his clothes on, and alas he will not be on these very internet pages, unless of course the lovely Antoinette can talk him into it in the near future!!

Future Seafront model?

Oh in other news, the lovely, sexy, talented and New York city boy, Jay Brannan, has uploaded another new vid on YouTube. It’s a work in progress, a little rough round the edges, but it’s rather a nice, almost happy number, from the breathy somber singer!

Could it be the master of the sad song, the under rated writer of heartfelt heart ache, found love, at least, perhaps, which is great for him, but sad for me – because I’m not the ‘You’ in the song, therefore such emotion isn’t directed to yours truly. Gosh, just thinking about that, for the merest of seconds, how wonderful it would be to bathe in the knowledge of being the inspiration behind a song?

Jason Shaw, that strange but friendly guy from Brighton, UK. www.seafrontdiary.com

7 out of 10 people believe in life after death, almost 30% of people skip lunch, 80% of lipsticks contain fish products, 68% of the population have little faith in a politicians ability to tell the truth! Have your views heard and counted so they can really make a difference. YouGov surveys are used by respected newspapers, TV stations, companies, organisations and even governments. Join the YouGov panel here and get paid for your views!

Revenge

Jason Shaw — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 11:00:53 +0000

Kids today huh, great for a bit of a giggle, kinda remind me of what I used to get up to, although I could never afford a 12 pack, more likely a bottle of Scrumpy Jack or Strongbow or even Safeways own brand !

Plus my sister was a lot older and really couldn’t give a stuff what I had in my room, unlike this guys sister Katie, who split on him to his parents that he had a 12-pack of beer in his room!

Now, this is an Asian family, which are pretty strict, so what did his folks do? Well, just like any good rather strict family, they grounded there teenage son. Not for a week, nor two, nope not even three weeks of staying home. Nope, they grounded the poor kid for three whole long months! That’s almost a year when you’re a teenager, with a life to lead!

OK, so, stuck at home all day, not allowed to go out and have a life for those three months, what’s a boy to do? Get revenge! Pure and simple, revenge was on his mind and revenge is what he got. He raided his grassing sister’s room and found her hook up list and posts it on Facebook! And, for your information, hook up lists these days really are just a list of guys girls have their sights on and how far they would go, or indeed have gone with! Not the sort of thing you’d want on the net!

Revenge, you gotta love it, sometimes! Or at least when it’s happening to someone else. I am a great believer in karma!

But, kinda makes me wonder, what revenge you’ve got up to when someones wronged you? I’ve had revenge in the past, especially when someone stood me up, the silly fool, I made his working life hell for a while. Well, his boss was a good friend, it was perhaps a little unprofessional, childish, selfish, but for a while rewarding! Not something I would do now tho, honestly, so you can sleep soundly in your beds tonight – or can you? What have you done? What’s been the best revenge you’ve had? Is it a dish best served cold? Is there a point to it?.

“Jason Shaw on Best Gay Blogs

Rocks my socks” – Stig Jan 2010!

Old and Young !

Jason Shaw — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 16:03:07 +0000

long the road to the past!

Oh my goodness me, what a day it was last Saturday, first I had to get up early, well early for me that is, especially on a day off. And, Best Gay Blog readers, I’m not one for early mornings, really, like most bloggers, I like a layin!

Then, as I wanted more slumber, I had to leave without having a tasty brekkie, just a mouthful of hot coffee that scalded my tongue was all I was able to gulp before my older brother rushed me to the train station!

We headed up the road of iron rails to my old home town in the Surrey countryside. My brother kept me entertained along the way, similar sense of humour, which helps no end, we laugh as the same things, are often silly and perhaps to outsiders childish, but to us, we are the kings of comedy! Legends in our own, errm minds!

Once up in the town we used to call out own, the town of our youth, we took a look around. It was, I have to say once a town center that seemed so big, so – at times scary, hidden nooks, crannies, and stores. But, all the places that used to seem so vast, so big, so positively huge, now all are rather small, as if the whole place had been thrown in the wash at high temperature’s and come out four sizes too small.

All the places I used to hang with my friends were either gone, modernised or appeared to be a third of the size they used to be! Which obviously can’t be the case, for buildings don’t just shrink, well not like that anyway, it’s not possible. Yet the arcade that was once an age to walk through is tiny and short, the chippy that once was cavernous looks like it only has three or four tables, the pub on the corner, where I drunk myself silly on more than a few occasions seems no bigger than the lounge back home, the world as I knew it had, changed!

Perhaps, just maybe it’s a sign of growing up, or maturing, but going back to the old town, back to my roots almost, I felt as if I shouldn’t have been there, as if it was a visitor going to a place I’d only seen old photos of. Yes, my brother was with me, but really, we never used to hang out together when we were younger, so treading through the streets of the old home town felt a little odd anyway.

There were of course many changes, a Wilkinson’s where the Woolworth’s used to be where we’d nick pick n mix candy or Lego from. I remember when it used to have a food counter all those years ago, where on a father would get his pound of streaky bacon, mushrooms, black pudding and tomatoes for his Sunday fry up breakfast, the only meal he ever used to cook.

In my ears I could hear echo’s of voices of the past, of school friends, telling tales, making jokes, when we used to run through town school bag in hand. Our shouts and screams, our fun, nothing but an imaginary sound in a middle aged man’s ears.

Don’t forget, in England 90% of children walk to and from school, yet it really is that close, walking from one end of town to the other, would take me, now as an adult less than half one hour, as a kid, much longer, for legs were shorted and there were far more things to look at and investigate along the way!

There were a few of the old shops, that I used to know, that used to serve me well back when my whole universe was contained in that little Surrey town. How, things change, how our boarders and boundaries are as a small person, inhabiting a land of giants, our garden was like a town in miniature, our street a little country. The swings in the park were therefore pretty much overseas to us, such was the distance to our tender young minds. To travel beyond a five mile radius of the town centre was more than an adventure and delight, it was almost an exhibition into the wilderness.

Yet, walking through the town center, I was struck, just how built up yet utterly small it all seemed. The tall tower block that used to gnarl down onto the town like a brutish concrete ogre, looked rather small, old and tired. The massive sports ground that once held at least two full days worth of exploring and entertainment can now be crossed in under two minutes. From one end of the town centre to the other, takes less that five earth minutes, but I remember my little legs getting tired before we reached Jennings the toy shop, half the distance. Although, I’m not sure that’s actually true, or whether I can only recall that because I’ve been told on numerous occasions, that’s what used to happen!

After we’d got some flowers, waited around for a little while, we got a taxi to the location of the birthday party and the entire reason for our up country adventure. The way the ‘non local’ taxi driver took up was an all together different way than I was expecting, but was a welcome diversion away from normal as it transversed the hill I used to climb whilst on cross country runs as a school boy! How vast the distance seemed then, but now well, it was a wonder how or rather why it used to take so long to complete, but perhaps that was more to do with the smokes we used to sneak down one of the tracks when no-one could see!

Beyond what was once fields, open countryside of my memories now stands a housing estate, a collection of modern, brightly colored boxes, with postage stamp gardens, single driveways and completely indistinguishable from it’s neighbors, be they next to it, along the same road or in different streets, in different towns, in different counties. I do feel we are becoming more unified, more unimposing, nonstriking and unremarkable in our home building styles and techniques. After all a Barratt’s home in Winchester looks, feels and is the same as a Barratt’s home in Dorchester and Wokingham. But, I guess that’s just the way of the world, the evolution of life, we all go to school, want and strive to be different and then leave school, looking for something different, something new, rebel against the old yet ultimately we then strive for all the same things, the nice house, the nice car, settle down with a partner, a stable job and live a rather unremarkable, unadventurous life, so it’s no surprise that our dwelling boxes are starting to all look the same!

We pulled up outside the rather plush, more private hospital looking nursing home, otherwise known as old folks home, gods waiting room, coffin dodgers dwellings, heavens hanger, or old wrinklies room. There was a sense of dread washing over me, I’m not good with old people, my grandmother, so I’m told has memory problems, so perhaps she wouldn’t recognize me or any of the other folk come to see her from all over the country, on this her special day. It was an emotional wrench for anyone, no matter what age they are.

Plus, there is something odd about an old peoples residence, there is something akin to an unspoken understanding that this is the final waiting area before death. It’s the place you either go or are put when you’ve got to old to be useful or wanted. When the time has come for you to meet your maker, when living in your own home is no longer an option, so they shove you in a home and that’s where you wait, watched TV, wait, eat, wait, watch TV and basically vegetate until death strikes! The people in the home know it, the people that work there know it, the visitors know it, everyone knows it, but no-one ever says such a thing about it.

The peach and pastel colours were a little surprise as we got buzzed in the secure doors to prevent the less memory able’d among the folk of old to wonder outside and lose themselves under the wheels of a passing semi !

My nose had expected a hatred acidic aroma of ammonia to bombard the sinuses of all the pee’d pants and wet chairs, but just tones of warmness and delicate hints of flowers filled the air, and I thought my idea of hell on earth to which old people come to live out their last days, was so far removed from reality that I sighed with relief heavily.

There were a group of people in the dining lounge, some I sort of recognised and some I so didn’t. It was so strange, so odd and so bizarre, like stepping into an unpublished, unseen scene from a movie that was my past life. My parents were there in the middle of it all, it was a reunion scene in this movie, surrounded by people that I really should have known, but didn’t. It was so very odd, my eyes rapidly flashed from one face to another, in the vain hope of even a hint of recognition. Mostly I didn’t, well except perhaps my uncle Chris and his wife Frayer. Now uncle Chris was always my favorite uncle when I was small, not that we’re a close family, we hardly ever saw them, I always used to think it was because it was a big family, there wasn’t enough time. But uncle Chris, I remember when he used to work for the fire service, once took me all round the local fire station, the training centre and all round the appliances – which for a 12 year old is something very special and something they can hold on to – I mean, I still remember it, even now, this day and it’s been a good few years.

Uncle Chris’ wife as I said was there, beside her hubby, and even tho I’m a 40 year old guy, my shiver went up and down my spine, for I can remember her shouting at me, sometime around my grandfathers funeral, not sure what for, but at the time I was a bit scared. I’d always been a bit frightened by here and somehow, I guess I always will be. Perhaps, it’s one of those things that don’t change, no matter how old you get? You always hold your first memory of a family member close at hand, so every time you meet them, you remember in your shock and inner pain when you first met them and pee’d your pants!

Mind you, they’ve always looked down their noses at us, they’ve always adopted a superior attitude toward our side of the family, when I was young I didn’t notice it too much, just overheard conversations, as was my way back then. The thing’s I heard when the grown up’s were talking and thought I was too young to understand or was just playing with my toys. But now, looking at it with an adult mind, an adults knowledge that humans, especially in families, play mind games, have hidden agenda’s and often dislike and distrust each other, it’s easy for me to see the contempt my auntie has for us, the dark side of the family. We always were thought of as the poor relations, in some ways it was true, in other ways far from it. I have considered this since that visit, but to be honest, I don’t mind. They are the ones that missed out so much on not knowing me and my brothers and sisters that well over the years. Can that change, can it?

My grandmother, who was slowly walked in, looked in very fine form, I was so impressed, OK, so her sight is pretty bad, as is her hearing, but, with the aid of a walking frame she’s quite fast at walking, going faster than those escorting her! She did the rounds, we all gave her a kiss and said who we were, some were remembered by her, and some perhaps not, well there was rather a lot of folk in the room and she is rather old, after all, which was the reason various of her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren had come all the way to this place to give her a birthday treat, both ends of a century.

I remember times alone with my grandmother, or nanna as she preferred to be called, when I was young, perhaps ten or eleven. She was a fairly strict lady, not overly so, but you instantly knew where you stood with her, or more to the point as a child what you could get away with. During summer holiday I was allowed to go and live with them for a week or two, which, was for me such a thrill and indeed a luxury. I loved it, yes I had to get up at an early time, watched old peoples TV choices, but that didn’t matter, it was nice to spend time with them. Yes, I used to get told off for touching grandads brasses and leaving my sticky child sized finger prints on them, but always with tenderness. Such fond memories, playing mini golf in the back garden, watching the tortoise they’d had for years slowly scuttle round the back, simple pleasures, yes. Plus there was plenty of time to read books and that sort of thing because this was a simpler time, a time before quite so much electrical entertainment. The Internet wasn’t around in those days, nor were games consoles, yes there were computers, but they were few and far between and kinda looked a bit freaky and programmes came on cassette tape and made such a horrid squeaky squealy noise that I avoided like a dose of crabs.

Do you remember cassette tape, those things that came after 8track and before CD’s, the things that boomboxes were invented for? No, perhaps it’s just me!

It was as weekly tradition to go, after breakfast on our cycles over to nanna’s, which at the time was a fair old way for little legs. The distance is only about 4 or 5 miles, which for us in sleepy little England is a fair old way. Don’t forget my American chums, England is a tad tiny, you can fit it all in Illinois! Yes really, OK, with Scotland added on, it’s a bit bigger, but not all that much!

Anyway, on Sundays we’d spend the morning with them, my grandparents, playing games, chatting and then we’d cycle back. I can remember it as clear as if it were my legs on peddles yesterday. They were days when I was happy, day’s when life was a pleasure with no worry, no stress, not difficulty. They were times when I could hear about my grandfather reminisce about fighting the fires in London during the blitz during World War II. Those were times when I could listen to my grandmother tell me unbelievable stories of my fathers childhood, unbelievable as it was to me at that age that my father was ever a child himself or fun. I so wish I had paid more attention, listened more, learned more from them both when the chance was there, when time was abundant, children don’t, do they!

I watched her, my nanna, the other weekend, all these years later, I’ve grown from a child, to an adolescent, a nasty horrid teenager that thought he knew everything, yet knew very little, and finally into a man. She has just grown older, slower, lonely a tad frail but not as much as I was expecting, my life has faced vast changes, her life changes of a different kind. I’m a vastly different person from the one I was back then, she one the other hand is pretty much the same. Hair a little thinner, eyes a little weaker, bones a little more fragile, but pretty much the same, same smile, same twinkly eyes, same voice, same everything, except perhaps one of the most vital things – memory. Sometimes it’s there, and sometimes it’s not!

I chuckled inwardly as someone, a relative of some distant sort suggested a photo outside in the cold courtyard ‘That ain’t gonna happen’ I said to myself, yet moments later, lead by the guest of honour herself, the assembled throng was outside, posing for a few different photos with different people, it was such a delight yet I also had a tinge in my stomach as if I were staring in the face of my own increasing age and inevitable immortality.

Both my blood uncles were there, my father the middle child of the three and seeing the three together standing in a row, I was a sight that amused and alarmed at the same time, the younger, Chris, retaining his looks, and most like his father, my grandfather in his mannerisms and behaviour, my father whom the least said the better, then Donald, a long thin stick man, who always put the fear of god in me as a child, yet I was so young, he was so tall and high. They’ve all been officers in the forces, so they all have that military stance, you know, straight back, firm arms and they all have that air of excess discipline and of superiority. Oh yes, the forces discipline I remember from my youth, I was the only boy in school who know how to stand to attention in the corner, do hospital corners when making the bed and how to march, not bad for a 9 year old.

I looked at their faces, the family resemblance carrying on through the gene’s and noticed the aging process that I will, or rather am going through, right in front of my very eyes. None have aged exceptionally well, it’s kinda scary about that I have to look forward too. Indeed my brother, the middle one of the three boys had already commented that with this shaggy bread I’m sporting at the moment, I’m already looking like father did at this age, which has strengthened my resolve to shave as soon as possible.

Why do we try to be so different from out parents, we fight so hard to have our individuality, strive to make our own lives to be different from them, far removed from them, never making the same mistakes as our life giving parent. But ultimately, we will, inevitably end up exactly like them and there isn’t a blinding thing we can do about it.

Back, to the party the other day, there was the cousin I once had dirty thoughts about, back when he was a soldier in his scarlet, or later in his fireman’s uniform, looking shorter and more worldly worn than the young fighter of his former self. He still interested me, still captivated me with his tales of army life and the jolly japes he got up to, but attractive he sadly wasn’t. I mean when he was younger, in his uniform he was hot totty to say the very least, and I’m oddly ashamed to admit, the subject of many a jerk off fantasy! Oh yes, but hey I was younger then and he was a guy in uniform, fit, muscley, exciting and I was, well just a horny teenager eager to put his dick in any hole he could!

His sister, I knew better, and before you ask, I never had any fantasy sexual or otherwise about her, but anyway we’d worked in the same building a while ago, our faces meeting across a glass partition, so we’d wave toward each other and bond we did slightly. We had a giggle and shared a glass of wine, which given this was a party, albeit in in the afternoon was a blessing and a requirement. I giggled with her and let her know, if there was any doubt in the family about the sexuality, doubt there would be no more off ! Oh how I do like there to be as gasp and a question mark in the air after I leave a room or a party. As dear old Oscar once said, “There is one thing worse that being talked about – NOT being talked about!” I’m sure they talked about me on the way home!

Subsequent days have left me in awe of my grandmothers age, after all, she’s lived through a lot, a whole lot, the world has changed beyond all recognition, before her very eyes. For example, she was born the same year as actor Errol Flynn and Carmen Miranda, the year Louis Bleriot was the first person to fly an aircraft over the English Channel (Or any wide stretch of water for that matter).

When she was just a year old, George V is the new King of England and Portugal becomes a republic and Henry Ford sells his 1,000th car. It was in her second year of life that the Mona Lisa was stolen from The Louvre in Paris and Amundsen’s expedition reached the South Pole. Skipping ahead, she was just 5 years when the First World War started, she’d be 9 before it finished, she’s seen 3 kings and 1 queen on the throne, the Second World War and countless other smaller, still deadly wars and conflicts have taken place in her lifespan so far. Whitnesed the birth of such milestones in history as the invention of jet aircraft, television, penicillin, electric light bulbs, the internet and sliced bread. Film’s came slowly, complete with a pianist to play a score,that over years morphed into tellevison which then in turn gave way to video, to DVD to Tivo.

So much has changed over the course of her life, it’s difficult to write about, or even comprehend. Countries such as India, Kenya, Zimbabwe, South Africa, Australia, Canada and Hong Kong have all gained their independence from the once great British Empire. When she was a teenage girl, you saw a motorcar once or twice a week, if you were lucky. Seen food rationing come and go and come again and go again during two world wars. She’s lived through one great depression and as a woman been able to cast a vote in the election for the first first time 1928. There have been 18 Prime Ministers of the UK since her birth, although three of them have had the job more than once at different times. She’s seen the very first powered aircraft get off the ground and develop into going to the moon and beyond.

Without a doubt, she’s lived through one of the most exciting periods of development in history, the world has changed far more than it ever has before. Now, she’s had a telegram from Her Maj The Queen to congratulate and celebrate a century of life, and you know what? She maybe 100 but she still likes a slice of cake and a glass of wine! My grandmother, is 100, a life well lived, a life full of adventure, she is probably one of the most truly remarkable people I’ve ever known or am likely to know. Her long life, has born thoughts of my own mortality, my own life, and has come as perhaps a timely reminder, that life, is as they say for living. I want to get to my old age and regret the things I have done, and not the things I haven’t.

Only we can make that happen, you and me. What is your destiny ?

One Reminder to Forget !

Jason Shaw — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 15:46:16 +0000

Just when I thought it was safe, just when I thought nothing could touch me, hurt me, just when I thought that this would be the day where I don’t stop and think about HIM, A Matt free day, as I like to call them now, there it was, screaming at me with unblinking, boldness that tore through my body like a double dose of Senekot!

This morning I found out that despite my resolve mys best efforts, this was not going to be a Matt free day after all and it wasn’t my fault at all, not in the slightest. Nope, today wasn’t going to be one of those days where I’d stare out the window for an hour and wonder where he was or what, or even whom he was doing. Equally, this was not going to be a day where I would toy, contemplate and cogitate about the sending of a Birthday Greetings Card from yours truly to him! Or indeed a Christmas card for that matter, as has been my want over the last couple of weeks.

Yes, OK, I know, he’s the one I was going to give up everything for. Yes I know, he was the one I was buying a house for in a country I wasn’t yet allowed to live in. Yes I know he was the man of my dreams and I was his well, baggage that he got rid of. Yes I know all these facts, and I know that he did the dirty and dumped me by email, all of these facts my friends have told me, reaffirmed when I casually broached the subject of sending greetings cards across the pond to the land of Wal-Mart, Dairy Queen and Sonic. They have been rather blunt, forceful, steadfast and not shy in coming forward with their views to my pondering’s over the said card sending.

Anyway, I’m starting to ramble on a bit here, I’m sure you didn’t come here to Best Gay Blogs to read about my mind drifting away, to learn about the ramblings of a middle aged (eiks that hurts!) English fruitcake, did you? I’m starting to do that a lot these days, ramble, I try not to, indeed make a serious effort to stick to the point and leave it at that, but for some reason, I just cant. I don’t know why, I just drifts out my mouth, or off my fingers over the keys. Mind you, I’m also getting a lot of hot flushes just lately too. You know one moment chilly cold (this is England remember!) the next I’m stripping off layer after layer and feel like I’m burning up. This can be a tad embarrassing when you realise just that moment too late that you don’t in fact have an undershirt on and that you’re now topless on a December morning in the middle of the post office – but there, I’m digressing and rambling off on a tangent again. But yes these hot flushes is a killer, it’s almost like the thing that woman go through at a certain age that us men folk are not supposed to talk about – the change of life! Hey, I wonder, is it possible for men to go through the menopause? After all I am a man and by god I sure am on a pause of men at the moment ! Nope, I guess not.

Sorry, rambling again, right, back to today, yet there I was, so sure I was going to have a Matt free when like a ton of bricks falling on my head out of a blue sky, came the biggest electronic slap in the face you can get, an email with the subject line in unblinking bold type “Doesn’t Matthew Deserve More Flowers?” ‘NO he bloody, buggering bolloking flipperty fuckerty does not deserve more flowers’ I shouted out loud to my laptop screen, which drew bemused looks from those around me, for you see I was in Starbucks at the time!

It was from the florist I’d used to send Matt 48 red roses for St Valentines day and I guess I was so in love back then I filled out all the memorable dates, so a few days before they’d send me email reminders, ensuring no birthday, anniversary, christening, would be forgotten. But seeing it in black and white on my screen was a bit of a kick in the rude parts, a slap round the face with a wet fish, a dig in the ribs with a sharp stick, a …. well you get the point, it stung my heart, twisting the knife that Matt left there, just the little bit deeper, that little bit more! I’ve never before deleted an email with such anger, I probably never will again either, on account of my enter key springing up from my keyboard, across the tables of Starbucks, bouncing off the head of large mother and ugly child!

Jason’s advice to anyone going though a break up of any type, kind or description is make sure you go back and cancel any reminders you may have previously set with florists, cake makers, wine merchants, carpenters, shoppers, wedding list providers before they come back and kick you in the teeth with a reminder of what a happy ever after you’re not having!!

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